During a warm day of spring of 1995, I was attending a biology class when I was attending my 12th grade at age of 17, ACs was out of order and that year I had an exception to get a driving license, I was winked at by my friend Mubarak to leave the class for a drive! I didn’t hesitate for a second and made my way to the car, moment later he followed me, he requested to drive my car and I didn’t mind back then, by the end of the school day, I have dropped him back to the school and drove back home pretending that I got back from school. My aunt Salwa was waiting for both me and Nouf my sister to have lunch together, and right after lunch she asked about my school day, I felt uncomfortable and lost my confidence assuming the found out that I skipped classes! she then said: i will first talk about your personality as a man before blaming you for not showing up! why would you let your friend drive and you know that he doesn’t even have a driving license!? do you know that you would be blamed for doing so? what if he crashed and killed someone? do you know that you would be the only one who would take the blame? then she said: about attending the classes, you should know that your reputation is my reputation too! if you allow it to yourself, you would allow it to me too! my reputation in front of your parents in Japan would fall down! this was one of the lessons I learned from my Aunt Salwa, God bless her soul!
I am sitting today in the house in Bonn writing this paragraph in front of the sofa where she always preferred to sit on, her last visit was couple of years ago, when she and my mom spent the evenings after cooking delicious dinner by her then watching old series and laughing about them, perhaps laughing about the great memories attached to the series more than the series itself. That evening when she kicked me out of the kitchen when I wanted to assist, saying: those 2 weeks we are here to serve you only! you are not even allowed to wash the dishes! that was one corner of her existence in our lives of many she would leave for us by being everywhere, the house here, the room where she slept, her house, grandfathers house and the farmhouse. I am writing these lines feeling useless to show love and support to my family in Qatar when I have arrived here the day she was gone!
I have been traveling a lot the past years that I never had the opportunity to visit her due to my work, travel and being away in Germany, but there was a big part of me not allowing me to see her at her weakness and sickness, until the moment when I visited her at the hospital just 22 minutes before she was taken to the operation room, I stood in front of her useless, couldn’t say a word, couldnt hug her, my eyes have spoken to her and her eyes replied to me, they were few seconds only, but the conversation took so long, my eyes spoken saying: please forgive me for not being around, and her eyes with their sharpness looking deeply at mine saying: its ok you are my son I would never be upset at you! I was going through our conversations this morning to listen to the last voice message she left to me, and it felt like she meant to leave it to me today, saying:
“May Allah bless you darling, no matter what, you are my favorite, my son, and dearer to me than my son, when it comes to your kids, they worths the world, may Allah bless you and your journey, it is all ok “Inshallah” no problem, Allah bless you and your journey”
on the day of 18th of Ramadan, a candle has been blown away from our lives, this candle didn’t only lighten our path, but it did to many generations she has taught during her career, especially me, my sister, her kids and everybody she has inspired. this candle was blown out here, but it will always be alive and lightening for many years. Rest in Peace in heaven.
your son
Khalid